2018

16.30 03 Februari 2018

gue ga pernah menyangka akan sampai pada saat seperti ini, hidup gue seperti berubah 180 derajat karena suatu hal yang simple. hari kemarin semua baik-baik saja, tiba-tiba hari ini seperti merasakan neraka di dunia, karir gue berhenti karena suatu hal, my love life gtu-gtu aja, dan sekarang duduk sendiri depan komputer which is almost what i do every day, cm sekarang berusaha mencari pekerjaan baru bukan bekerja. 

its hard, it is really hard when you think everything was going well, and you smash into a brick wall. but what i know i must and i have to move on, not just standing here regreting every single thing i do in the past. 

*dan karena tulisan gue dari 2009 ilang gue bakal bikin lagi deh seinget gue*

sekitar tahun 2000an tengah tahun. gue diterima di salah satu perguruan tinggi negeri di daerah bandung. walopun sebenernya itu bukan pilihan utama gue, tapi karena keadaan ekonomi keluarga saat itu ga memungkin kan buat gue kuliah di kampus pilihan gue (pada saat itu termasuk yang termahal sih) jadi gue pilih kampus ini, moving out from home to another city and started fresh.

awal-awal kuliah semua baik-baik saja, nongkrong belajar bareng sama temen kelas, ketawa-tawa bareng temen-temen, maen bola, basket dll. until this day came.. there's this girl she's one of the top 5 of the class and she's beautiful too, all of the boys in the class were so much like her, except me of course (karena pada saat itu gue dah punya cewe sih :D). and this girl were like curious about me, not giving her any attention or some what ever. untill one day she came to me and ask me "what is your problem, why won't you like me?" and i told her that "i don't have to like you to be a friend, why would you want every single boys in the class to like you? are you like so much needed attention from every guys?" and she walk away in anger (hahaaha blagu ye gue saat itu).

the next day, she walk to me and said sorry about yesterday, and i was like i'm cool no worries. and she ask me if she could sit next to me, and i said sure you can, and she started to talk alot (literally alot) and i just sit there and listen to her. that went like almost a week, every time we had a beak from class she always looks for me and we talk. one day she told me she like me and want to be couples, i said to her, i'm still seeing some one and i can't do that. she nods and smile and said that she will wait, i was like "whats wrong with this girl, she can have every guy in this campus why did she wants to be with me?" 

months has passed since that day, and i broke up with my girl back home. i didn't instantly tell her that i broke up, but she knows from one of my mate. and she asked me "are you single now?" i said "yes" and she asked back "so i can be your gf now right?" with a big smile in her face and i replied "sure why not, but for your info i'm not like most of the boys who like you, i don't have a car, i come to the campus by public transport, i'm not romantic, i play game a lot" and she said "i don't care, i like you"

so we started to become gf and bf, at first all went well just like any couples, but the trouble started when she brought me home to see her parents, she was like rich in a way and i don't have anything. trouble started, i got doubts will they accept me in their family and at that time they don't.

well not all of them actually but most of em. and our friends at campus does not like that she go out with me they say "i'm a bad influence for her" dafuk mate, you guys even never talk to me and you say i'm a bad influence?

fights after fights coloring our day almost every day, we fight about friends, family and almost everything. i told her that i want to break up, but she insist we should stay together. what she does not know, it was late night after i drove her home, when i realise her books are still in the car (its not my car tho, i borrow my friends car) so i go back to her house to give the book back, and when i was about to press the bell i heard her voice and her dad arguing about me..

"He's not from a good family, i forbid you to go with him" her dad say

"but he's nice to me dad, he care about me, even if he does not have anything now. he's still in college just like me" she said

"No, I DO NOT WANT YOU TO GO OUT WITH SOMEONE WHO DON'T HAVE ANYTHING" 

the world were like falling when i hear that word... i walk back to the car and go back home that night thinking "is this the world for wealthy people only? and there's none for people like me?" i'm sure untill this day, she doesn't know that i heard about that conversation between her and her dad.

days past, every single minute after that night everytime i look at her and thinks "maybe she's better off with someone who are as wealthty as her not me" she look at me and ask "whats wrong?" i said "maybe.. maybe you better off with other guy" and she started to cry if i said that word.. and i don't have the heart to say anything when i saw her crying...

17.10 03 Februari 2018